for i moment, i believed. i believed things were going to change, that things were going to be different for me. for one fucking blissful moment, i thought i was going to change, believed i could be someone else besides this shitty secondbest hollow person i’ve always been. i thought someone was going to give me a chance to change. i thought i might finally get something i wanted, something i wanted more than anything. i thought i was going to be special. i believed that i could be more than part of the wallpaper. that for once, i could be the one with the amazing luck. that for once, i wouldn’t want anything, that i could be really truly happy. but i should’ve known. should’ve known that these things never work out quite right for me. there’s always, always someone better. and i never measure up. and i come crashing down, crashing down from all these high hopes and expectations, crashing right down to be the same shitty secondbest hollow person i have always been, just a little more broken than before. i’m just tired now. tired of floating up so high on unspoken promises, on unrealistic expectations. tired of hitting the ground harder each time. i’m done. i’m done doing this to myself. i’m done trying to be someone i’m not. there’s a reason i’ve always been the same shitty secondbest hollow person. it’s just who i am. i will never change and i will never measure up.